White Elephant and Secret Santa: Gifts That Save the Party.

Chapter 11873–1908

Why it’s called a white elephant

The name comes from a story about a king. As the legend goes, the King of Siam, today’s Thailand, gave rare white elephants to courtiers who had displeased him, so that the cost of keeping the animals would ruin them. A white elephant was sacred, so you couldn’t put it to work or pass it on. In 1873, The New York Times described it as a burden you couldn’t get rid of and couldn’t afford to keep.

It almost certainly never happened. The Thai historian Rita Ringis found that no king of Siam thought of white elephants as a burden, let alone gave them away. In Buddhist tradition, they stood for status and good fortune.

The party itself is an American invention. In 1901, a Kentucky newspaper, the Hartford Herald, described a swap party where guests brought little bundles wrapped so nobody could guess what was inside. Early swap parties handed out prizes for the best bargain and the worst one, and whoever went home with the worst gift had to tell a story or sing a song for the room.

The name came six years later, in a joke. In 1907, a Nebraska newspaper ran the story of a hostess who invited her friends to a white elephant party and asked each guest to bring something she couldn’t use but couldn’t bear to throw away. The punchline: “Nine out of the 11 women invited brought their husbands.” Newspapers across the country reprinted the joke, and by 1908 the society pages were announcing real white elephant parties.

The game hasn’t changed much since. Only the name depends on where you live: in New England, it’s a Yankee Swap, and in the South, it’s Dirty Santa.

Chapter 2Sweden → Kansas City

Where Secret Santa came from

Secret Santa is often traced to Sweden. The Swedish word for a Christmas present, julklapp, means “Christmas knock.” It comes from an old custom. On Christmas Eve, you knocked on someone’s door and threw in a piece of wood or a carved doll as a joke gift. The gifts came with rhymes that teased whoever got them. Swedes still write a julklappsrim on the gift tag, a short poem that hints at what’s inside.

The most famous Secret Santa of all never drew a name from a hat. Starting in 1979, a Kansas City businessman named Larry Stewart spent his Decembers handing cash to strangers in thrift stores, diners and parking lots. He gave $5 and $10 bills at first and later $100 bills. He kept his name a secret for 26 years and gave away about $1.3 million. He revealed who he was in November 2006, while fighting cancer, and died that January at 58.

How to play, the short version

Step 3 is the one people skip, and it matters most. Francesca Gino of Harvard Business School and Frank Flynn of Stanford ran a series of studies on this. People liked gifts they had asked for more than surprises, and even rated them as more thoughtful. The givers expected the opposite. The researchers’ advice is to skip the long wish list and name one big wish.

Don’t stress about the limit, either. In earlier studies, Flynn and Gabrielle Adams found that people weren’t any happier with expensive gifts than with cheaper ones, even though givers expected them to be.

The White Elephant pile: gifts worth stealing

A good White Elephant gift makes sense from across the room in about two seconds, and it’s good enough that someone will want to take it. A great one gets played before the party’s over.

1A party game that keeps the party going

In What’s The Sound?, you draw a card, roll the Mode Die and make a sound while your team races the sand timer to guess it. The 180 cards hold 330 challenges, from animal noises and city sounds to awkward situations and character impressions. They’re split into six categories, each with easy and hard levels. It takes less time to explain than a steal does. Open it after the last gift, split the room in two, and the exchange turns into the second game of the night. There’s also a version with 100 challenges.

To: the whole room What’s The Sound? 180 cards · 330 challenges See the game →

2The gift that gets played right away

Don’t BEE Last takes about a minute to learn: everyone slaps the card, and whoever slaps last loses. The deck has 72 cards for two to six players ages 7 and up, and a game lasts 10 to 20 minutes. That’s short enough for the person who unwraps it to deal a round before the next number is called, and it gives everyone a reason to steal it.

To: the fastest hand Don’t BEE Last 72 cards · 2–6 players See the game →

3A deck that starts the right kind of argument

What Would You Choose? Hilarious Situations packs more than 500 funny and awkward scenarios onto 95 cards, for two or more players. You read a card, pick an option and defend your answer to the whole table. At an office party, it’s the easiest way to learn something new about the people you see every day without anyone oversharing.

To: whoever argues best What Would You Choose? Hilarious Situations 95 cards · 500+ scenarios See the game →

4Music trivia for a room full of different decades

An office party might have a 23-year-old intern and someone who bought the ’90s hits on CD. Who Knows Hits Better? gives them both rounds to win. It has more than 500 questions and challenges, with rounds like Name the Artist, Sing It or Lose It, and True or False. The songs come from the ’90s, the 2000s and the recent charts. Sing It or Lose It also takes care of the 1901 rule. There’s a Hip-Hop & R&B edition, too.

To: every decade in the room Who Knows Hits Better? 500+ questions & challenges See the game →

5The one that gets frozen

Every White Elephant has one gift that gets stolen until the rules make it stop. Our bet is the Christmas Mall puzzle. It’s a 1,000-piece picture of a busy shopping mall with an ice rink, a giant tree and an inflatable Santa who is mysteriously losing air. Once it’s built, there are 365 hidden secrets to find and a case to solve, with a detective folder and suspect cards. Finished, it measures 31.5 by 23.5 inches. Most people take five to 10 hours to build one of these puzzles, and it’s recommended for ages 15 and up.

To: whoever steals it last Christmas Mall 1,000 pieces · 365 secrets See the puzzle →

6A card game for the sports fan

The Fast-Paced Football Card Game skips turns entirely. Everyone plays at the same time, racing to match numbers from 1 to 8, with wild 5s for a twist. The rules take about three minutes to learn, and a game lasts around 20. The same game comes in soccer, baseball, basketball, hockey, tennis and golf. That makes for a good fight when the football fan unwraps the soccer one.

To: the sports fan Fast-Paced Football Card Game Everyone plays at once See the game →

The Secret Santa list, sorted by whose name you drew

A Secret Santa gift doesn’t need to be a surprise. It needs to get used. If your person wrote down a wish, start there. If not, here’s what we’d pick.

7To: the coworker you barely know

You don’t need to know their hobbies to give Stoicism Cards: Marcus Aurelius. Each of the 122 cards has a quote, a plain-English explanation and a small exercise to try that day, and a wooden stand keeps the day’s card on the desk. At one card a morning, the deck lasts well into spring. They’ll remember who drew their name long after the party.

For your desk Stoicism Cards: Marcus Aurelius 122 cards · wooden stand See the cards →

8To: the coworker who always wins trivia night

Every office has one. Trivia Card Games for Adults & Teens: World Facts has 300 questions to test them. If they’re more of a science person, try the Science Facts edition, which has 300 questions on strange discoveries, experiments, inventions, space and biology. Either one fits in a desk drawer and comes out at lunch.

For lunch breaks Trivia for Adults & Teens: World Facts 300 questions See the game →

9To: the couple

In a family exchange, you’ll sometimes draw half of a couple. Give them something for two. Couples Card Game Quick Fire has 475 playful prompts on 95 cards, made for two. There are no rules to learn, and the deck fits in a coat pocket on date night. Psychologists have found that taking turns with gradually more personal questions brings people closer than small talk does.

For date night Couples Card Game Quick Fire 95 cards · 475 prompts See the game →

10To: the youngest cousin

For a kid between 4 and 8, the Go Fish Card Game trades the plain deck for colorful fish, plays with two to six people and comes in a 3.5 by 2.4-inch box. Deal the first hand before the wrapping paper hits the floor, and the grown-ups will get pulled in, too. For a bigger gift, the 6 Pack Original Card Games adds Crazy 8, Old Maid, War, Slap Jack and Memory Match, each in its own small box.

Open me first! Go Fish Card Game Ages 4–8 · 2–6 players See the game →

11To: the teenager

A teen in a family exchange is used to losing trivia to the grown-ups. Who Knows Generations Better? gives Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z and Gen Alpha rounds of their own. Its six mini decks hold 600 questions on 300 cards about trends, history, science, entertainment, sports and pop culture. For once, the Gen Z round belongs to them. For more on mixed-age game nights, read what happens when four generations play the same game.

For the Gen Z round Who Knows Generations Better? 6 decks · 600 questions See the game →

12To: the person you know nothing about

Sometimes you draw a name and draw a blank. In the same Gino and Flynn research, people valued money more than even the gifts they’d asked for, though givers assumed cash would be the least appreciated. A QUOKKA Gift Card comes in three amounts and arrives by email right away, with no extra fees. It works even if you remember on the morning of the party.

Spend it on anything QUOKKA Gift Card 3 amounts · sent by email Get a gift card →

Keep the 1901 rule

The first swap parties didn’t end when the last bundle was open. They ended with a song from whoever got the worst bargain. That’s still the best way to finish a gift exchange: everyone at the same table, playing something one of them just unwrapped.

The best White Elephant gift isn’t the one that got stolen the most. It’s the one with six people around it at midnight. And the best Secret Santa gift is the one your coworker is still using in March.